When Ego Enters the Chat: Why Some Ref Debates Aren’t Worth It

Navigating Ego, Engagement & the Bigger Picture in Officiating Culture

At COR Academy, our mission is to help officials grow—not just in rules knowledge, but in presence, communication, and professionalism. But growth doesn’t just happen on the court. It’s tested in how we interact off the floor—especially online.

If you’ve spent any time in officiating Facebook groups, YouTube comments, or forums, you’ve likely seen this familiar pattern:

“Are you even a ref?”“What’s your rank?”“Do you even work college?”“I disagree—no way that’s the right call.”

These comments don’t begin conversations. They end them.

They reveal a common online posture: status over substance.

The Problem with Ego-Led Engagement

There’s a difference between disagreement and dismissal.

When the first move in a conversation is to challenge someone’s credibility, it’s rarely about learning. It’s about asserting authority. Unfortunately, some officials believe time served equals wisdom earned. But without fitness, adaptability, or openness, experience becomes a shield—not a tool.

As we often say at COR Academy:

Growth begins where ego ends.

Psychological Insight: Why the Ego Pushes First

We spoke with performance psychologist Dr. Evan Markham, who’s worked with both officials and athletes across professional and collegiate levels. He shared:

“When someone leads with a challenge to credibility, they’re protecting identity—not evaluating information. It’s not really about the rule. It’s about their standing.”

In other words: not every online argument is about officiating.

Social Dynamics: Status in a Flattened World

Social media flattens hierarchy. That can feel threatening in a profession where rank, years, and assignments often define perceived worth.

Sociologist Dr. Lila Moreno explained:

“Online, everyone’s voice looks the same. For some, that’s empowering. For others, it’s destabilizing—so they recreate hierarchy through tone and tactics.”

This is why you’ll often see:

• Officials over-emphasize years in the game

• Others shut down discussion with “I know the rule” claims

• Posts framed as one-upmanship, not mentorship

At COR, we actively work against this culture.

Why COR Academy Limits Comments on Public Platforms

Let’s address it directly.

Why are YouTube comments often off? Why do we ask for email feedback or post-event discussions instead of public threads?

Because we’re not building an echo chamber.

We’re building a space where:

• Newer officials can ask real questions

• Experienced officials can share without being attacked

• Nuanced ideas can be discussed in full—not just in 280 characters

We’ve seen it firsthand: Unmoderated comment sections turn into battlegrounds. That drives away the very voices we’re trying to nurture.

And as Dr. Markham noted:

“Correction in private invites reflection. Correction in public invites performance.”

How We Encourage Officials to Respond (or Not)

You don’t need to engage every critic. But if you do, here’s the COR approach:

✅ Redirect to Learning:

“Let’s focus on the rule and the application here.”

✅ Stay Professional:

“That’s a fair point—here’s why I see it differently.”

✅ Know When to Exit:

“Appreciate the discussion. Let’s leave it there.”

These aren’t weak responses. They’re strong boundaries.

The Bigger Issue: Protecting the Officiating Pipeline

When ego dominates conversations, we lose officials.

Not because they’re soft—but because they’re smart. They know their energy is better spent growing, not defending. And in a time when recruiting and retaining high-quality officials is critical, our community can’t afford to push people away.

As we teach at COR Academy:

Respect the role. Respect each other. Ref the game—not the argument.

Want to Share Your Insight?

We welcome discussion—but we prioritize safety and quality. That’s why we invite you to email us your feedback, perspectives, or responses to our content.

📩 Email us at: coracademy@usa.com

Together, let’s model the kind of officiating culture we want to see.