Don’t Be the Rumor Ref of Your Association

Every association has one or several.

The person who always seems to know something. The one who has the inside story, the hidden truth, the quiet explanation for why someone got a game… or didn’t. The one who shares just enough information to sound credible, but rarely enough to be accountable.

In officiating circles, this individual becomes what I call the

Rumor Ref.

And while gossip may feel harmless in the moment, the long‑term impact on trust, growth, leadership, and culture inside an association is real—and damaging.

This isn’t written to shame anyone. It’s written because most of us, at some point in our careers, have been tempted to step into that role. I know I have. And I’ve also experienced firsthand how quickly a story can grow legs that were never there to begin with.

Why This Approach Never Helps

Rumors create three immediate problems inside an officiating community:

1. They destroy trust

Officiating is built on credibility—on and off the floor. When officials begin questioning each other’s motives, assignments, evaluations, or leadership decisions based on hallway conversations instead of truth, the foundation cracks.

Once trust erodes, everything becomes harder:

• Communication becomes guarded

• Feedback feels personal

• Growth slows down

• Teams fracture into sides

And none of that makes a single official better on game night.

2. They replace growth with comparison

Rumor culture shifts the focus from "How do I improve?" to "Why did they get that?"

That mindset is dangerous. Because the officials who consistently advance aren’t the ones tracking everyone else’s path—they’re the ones quietly working on their own.

Rumors feel productive, but they’re actually a distraction from the real work.

3. They weaken leadership across the board

Leaders inside associations rely on credibility and transparency. When rumor cycles grow, leaders spend more time managing narratives than developing officials.

That slows progress for everyone.

Why Do People Become the Rumor Ref?

Before we answer that, it helps to hear from psychology itself.

Social psychologist Frank McAndrew offers an important perspective on gossip:

“It’s not whether you do it or not — it’s whether you do it well, or not.”

His research highlights that gossip is a deeply human social behavior—rooted in connection and information sharing. But when gossip becomes negative, speculative, or one‑sided, it stops building community and starts eroding trust. That shift is where rumor culture inside officiating associations becomes harmful rather than helpful.

Research from social psychologist Robin Dunbar also reinforces the social power of gossip, noting that gossip functions as a way humans maintain relationships and group cohesion—but it can just as easily exclude, divide, and damage reputations when misused. This reminds us that the issue isn’t simply whether gossip exists in an association, but how responsibly individuals choose to handle information and conversation.

This is the harder—and more honest—question.

Because rumor behavior usually isn’t about bad character.

It’s about human psychology.

If you asked a psychologist why people gravitate toward rumor‑based thinking in competitive environments like sports officiating, you’d likely hear themes like these:

1. The need for certainty in uncertain environments

Assignments, evaluations, playoff selections, and advancement often feel mysterious. When people don’t have clear information, the brain tries to fill the gap.

Rumors provide a false sense of control:

“At least I know what’s really going on.”

Even when the story isn’t true.

2. Protecting the ego

It’s emotionally easier to believe:

• politics decided it

• favoritism played a role

• someone else had an advantage

…than to confront the harder question:

“What do I need to improve?”

Rumors can become a shield that protects us from uncomfortable self‑reflection.

3. The desire to belong

Sharing inside information can create quick connection:

• “You didn’t hear this from me…”

• “Between us…”

It feels like trust. But it’s actually borrowed credibility, not earned respect.

And over time, people begin to notice the difference.

When the Story Isn’t the Truth

I’ve lived this part personally.

I’ve heard stories about situations I was directly involved in—stories that sounded confident, detailed, and convincing.

There was just one problem:

They weren’t what actually happened.

Details were missing. Context was ignored. Motives were assumed. And the final version became a one‑sided narrative that spread faster than the truth ever could.

That experience taught me something important:

The louder the rumor, the farther it usually is from the full picture.

And more importantly—participating in that cycle never once made me a better official.

Not one time.

The Cost to an Association’s Culture

Healthy associations are built on:

• honest feedback

• direct communication

• accountability

• shared growth

• trust in leadership and process

Rumor culture replaces those with:

• side conversations

• assumptions

• quiet resentment

• comparison

• division

One culture builds state‑level officials and lifelong mentors.

The other builds frustration.

A Better Standard: Be the Truth Ref Instead

If we want stronger crews, stronger leadership, and stronger opportunities for everyone, the solution isn’t complicated—but it is intentional.

1. Go to the source

If something matters enough to discuss, it matters enough to ask directly.

Respectful, adult conversations solve more problems than ten sideline theories.

2. Choose growth over gossip

Every minute spent analyzing someone else’s path is a minute not spent improving your own.

The officials who advance consistently aren’t the loudest voices in the room.

They’re the most prepared when the ball goes up.

3. Protect the culture you want to belong to

Associations don’t drift into healthy environments by accident.

They’re built by officials who:

• speak with integrity

• correct misinformation

• encourage development

• model professionalism

Culture is created in small conversations—every single day.

How I Respond to Rumor Conversations

Over time, I’ve learned that how we respond to rumor culture matters just as much as refusing to participate in it.

Here’s the approach I try to live by:

1. I don’t fuel the conversation.If a discussion turns toward speculation or second‑hand stories, I avoid adding details, opinions, or emotion. Silence isn’t weakness—it’s discipline.

2. I redirect toward growth.When possible, I shift the focus to something productive:

• film study

• positioning

• game management

• communication with partners

Because improvement—not information—is what actually moves an official forward.

3. I encourage direct conversations.If something truly matters, the healthiest path is simple: talk to the assigner, evaluator, or person involved. Adult conversations solve problems that rumors only multiply.

4. I remember who’s listening.Younger officials and new members watch how veterans speak. Our words either build a culture of trust—or quietly damage it. I want my response to model professionalism, even when it would be easier to join the noise.

This doesn’t make me perfect. It just keeps me aligned with the kind of official—and leader—I’m trying to become.

Should You Share This With Your Association?

A fair question is whether conversations like this should be shared broadly inside an association to push professionalism in the ranks—or kept private to avoid creating more tension.

The reality is complicated.

Rumors are culturally embedded in everyday life. Every workplace, locker room, and leadership structure wrestles with them. Even well-intentioned leaders can struggle at times to avoid becoming the unofficial TMZ of the association, especially when communication systems are unclear or emotions are high.

Because of that, raising the conversation about rumor culture can feel risky. Some may see it as helpful accountability. Others may see it as criticism. Whether sharing helps or harms often depends on tone, intent, and clarity of purpose.

When sharing helps professionalism

Discussing rumor culture can be healthy when the goal is:

• improving transparency

• strengthening trust

• encouraging direct communication

• protecting developing officials from negativity

When framed around growth instead of blame, these conversations can elevate an entire association.

When it becomes problematic

It becomes harmful when the discussion:

• targets specific individuals

• repeats unverified stories

• assigns motives without facts

• is driven by frustration rather than solutions

At that point, the effort to stop rumor culture can unintentionally become another form of it.

When rumors cross into legal defamation

There is also an important legal boundary.

In general terms, defamation occurs when someone:

1. shares a false statement presented as fact

2. harms another person’s reputation

3. does so negligently or with reckless disregard for truth

Inside an officiating association, this could include falsely claiming someone:

• manipulated assignments

• violated rules or ethics

• engaged in misconduct

When statements move from opinion (“I disagree with that decision”) to false factual accusations, the risk shifts from cultural damage to potential legal exposure.

That’s another reason professionalism in communication matters so deeply.

Final Thought

None of us are perfect in this space.

We’ve all listened to something we shouldn’t have… repeated something we weren’t sure about… or believed a version of a story that felt easier than the truth.

But growth in officiating—just like on the court—starts with accountability.

So here’s the challenge for all of us:

Don’t be the Rumor Ref of your association.

Be the official who brings clarity instead of confusion.

Be the partner who builds trust instead of doubt.

Be the leader who focuses on truth, growth, and the game itself.

Because in the end, reputations in officiating aren’t built on what we whisper in hallways.

They’re built on who we are when the whistle blows.